Dear Straight Up!

Distraught

Dear Distraught,

I understand how you feel. I’ve been there with two friends and even now it can still get a bit weird. What has helped me is that when I am with them, they are not all lovey-dovey and affectionate. Even though I know they are together, there is still that feeling that when the three of us are together, it’s just good friends chilling. I can understand how hurt you must be; first being part of this circle and now they share a special bond which you are not a part of – no wonder you feel like you’ve lost them!

But you have to understand that you haven’t lost them. The situation has just transformed into something else and you just need to adapt. If you feel weird around them for whatever reason then talk to them about it. Be open and honest about what’s making you comfortable when the three of you are together.

When I say this, I’m not saying to voice disapproval of their relationship. What I’m saying is if there is anything they are doing that makes you feel awkward then you need to share that. I do that with my friends. I don’t mind if they peck each other hello or goodbye. But if I see a full make-out session, I’ll just throw water at them and tell them to stop. Especially when there is nowhere else for me to go!

So have a sit down and talk to them. Once that is done, give them their space to be with each other. Hang out with your other single friends and give them their space. Resisting the situation is not going to make you feel better or change the situation. Just accept it and be happy for them.

Dear Straight Up!

Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated Friend,

Let it be. Your annoyance and frustrations with him are your problem. You have no right to interfere with your friend’s happiness. If she likes him then that’s all that counts. You need to figure out why he bothers you so much and get over it. Whether she can do so better or not is for her to realize, not you. You just need to stand back and be happy for her.

You don’t need to like him – just force yourself to be civil. Don’t put him down or talk badly about him either to her or to anyone else. Don’t voice your grievances about him to anyone. If you do that and you keep doing it, you will slowly destroy your relationship with your best friend and I’m sure you don’t want that.

I know that you two have been through a lot together. But trust me, long-term friendships can be ruined, especially if another man or woman is involved. Keep him at arms-length and at the same time show your friend that you are happy for her and are there to support her. Even if you have to fake happiness, so be it. She’s more important for you to keep than your annoyance at her boyfriend!

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Check out our previous Straight Up! advice columns:
 
Dear Straight Up! I Met Someone Online but Don’t Want to Give Him My Number
Dear Straight Up! I’m Liberal, He’s Conservative: Will It Work Out?
Dear Straight Up! Should I Be Open About My Past?
Dear Straight Up! Should I Look for a Tamil Girl on My Own or Get an Arranged Marriage?
Dear Straight Up! My Best Friends are Dating and I Feel Like a Third Wheel
Dear Straight Up! My Fiance is Demanding a Dowry
Dear Straight Up! My Parents Don’t Approve of My Interracial Relationship
Dear Straight Up! I Cheated on My Girlfriend
Dear Straight Up! I Have Feelings for My Best Friend’s Ex
Dear Straight Up! I’m Not Attracted to My Boyfriend

Do you have a question for our advice columnist? Send your questions to straightup@tamilculture.com. Check us out to see if your question was answered!