Back on campus at the University of Madras, I pondered my recent discovery of Chennai’s modernity and Westernization. I was trying to reconcile why, in this city that juxtaposed traditionalism with modernity, I was not able to observe it on my campus. Wouldn’t a university in the middle of Chennai be the ideal place for the new generation of youth to embrace less traditional ideal?

From my recollection of Tamil cinema, university appeared to be the ideal setting for cross-gendered friendships to emerge and romance to bloom. Therefore, I had expected to see interaction between girls and boys on campus. Yet I was taken aback by the visible gender segregation. I observed no discernable evidence that girls and boys even hung out in the same social circles.

And a university campus without couples? This seemed especially peculiar to me, particularly as Tamil cinema is obsessed with the notion of forbidden romance, especially of the college sort. So how can a city that is the subject and setting of innumerable romance films over the years seem so adverse to romance in reality?

Once again, this paradox intensified as I got closer to a few students and talked to them about issues relating to relationships, dating and sex. The students threw me for a loop with their decidedly liberal stances on these subjects.

It is now widely accepted that most girls will have had a boyfriend at some point during their college years. And in the majority of these cases, the girls don’t end up marrying these boyfriends. A relationship that doesn’t end in marriage? Chennai surprised me yet again.

I was especially nervous about bringing up the topic of premarital sex. Mercifully, the reaction towards the question was fairly casual. While it definitely is not culturally acceptable and there remains a stigma towards it, what surprised me was how open the students were to discussing and even admitting that it was not uncommon. However, there were marked differences between students who had grown up in Chennai and students from rural Tamil Nadu and other states. The Chennaites responded much more comfortably to my prying questions.

Thus, while Tamil films are obsessed with the idea of romance, they are decidedly conservative when it comes to sex. Since I had believed that movies depict a version of Chennai that is more modern than the real Chennai, it was only with this subject that I found Chennaites to be more liberal than in their film depictions.

But I was still left with one very important question. If there are so many couples, where were they? I was flummoxed by the apparent disconnect between what I was hearing and what I was seeing all around me. I later came to discover an important secret of Chennai youth: the dating spots. Since Chennai’s norms and societal expectations are still governed by conservative traditional values, only a select few spaces have accommodated the changes happening under the veil of conservatism. In particular, dating in Chennai is reserved to four major spots in the city.

First is the mall. I quickly learned that most Chennaites don’t go to shop. Instead, they go to hang out either with friends or their “special friend”. Another popular spot is the movies. Again, this isn’t different from us Tamil-Canadians. Just think of Scarborough Town Centre and you’ll get the picture: mall, movie, couples.

One of the more peculiar spots specific to Chennai is a Western-style coffee chain dotted throughout the city called “Café Coffee Day”. After sampling only the sweetest, milkiest “spicy bru” coffee for weeks, I stumbled upon this coffee shop one day and was unable to resist the sweet scent of real brewed coffee. Yet I quickly learned that although it appeared to be very West-inspired, this was no Starbucks. I couldn’t simply order an Americano and chill by myself with a book or a laptop. No, this was a spot reserved specifically for couples and the fine art of Chennai dating. And there I was in yet another moment of social awkwardness, sitting alone among a sea of couples, trying to gulp down the hot coffee so that I could exit gracefully before I stood out anymore than I already did.

Finally, the main dating spot in Chennai is Marina Beach. During the day, there is an assortment of friends and families enjoying the beach. But after dark, away from the prying eyes of older aunties and uncles, young couples literally blanket the coastline, pair by pair. They sit together enjoying one of the only spaces in the city in which they can enjoy a romantic moment alone.

I’m still in the process of figuring out this city and the complex contradictions of the social norms, expectations and reality that is lived by Chennaites. It is a city defined by its pluralism and the presence of so much difference and variation. It is a city full of extremes, and made truly cosmopolitan by the vastly different lives people live. The very rich rub shoulders with the very poor, with slums just a couple of streets downs from swanky designer malls.

There is also the all-pervasive social conservativism and traditional values and norms that permeate the city. Yet beneath the surface there is plenty of variation. Even when it comes to opposing conservative norms, people have differing ideas of what modernism is and what a modern Chennai would or should look like. And then there are particular spaces in which these social norms are seemingly thrown out the window for a short period of time.

Even the pace of this city is hard to put a finger on. I find the traffic and the hustle and bustle of the streets to be much more chaotic than the streets of New York. Yet there is also a certain laid back village-like quality to Chennai that makes it feel measurably less city-like.

And this is what I’ve come to love about Chennai – the numerous contradictions and the fact that I simply can’t figure it out. Each day here is a new adventure replete with new discoveries and realizations, sometimes contradicting the discoveries and realizations learned the day before. I can’t wait to see what loop Chennai will throw me for next!

– Ramya Janandharan

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